Before my Son was born I thought I had everything figured out, I was going to be that Mum who had the time to do everything, time to read my favourite books, go for coffees with my friends and be well rested, have a spotless house and be super organised, boy was I wrong!!!!!
My son not only decided that he was super comfy in my tummy that he wanted to stay put for as long as possible, but when he did decide he wanted to come earth side he didn't want to make it easy. He was always in the perfect position, until my contractions started and he turned himself towards my back not my front. After a total of 23 hours labour, induction and he still had to have a vacuum to bring him to us — he was finally here!!!!
The difficulties didn't stop at the birth unfortunately. I thought I was doing ok with breastfeeding — he was latching and it was comfortable — until a Midwife told me I was doing it wrong. It all fell apart after that. I struggled terribly with just trying to get him to latch. On Day 3 I was at home at 10pm sitting in bed crying because I couldn't get him to latch, I was so sore with bleeding cracked nipples and stressed I wanted to give up then and there! I was very lucky to have a Midwife in the family who sat with me and helped me to understand how to latch him correctly — so our breastfeeding journey continued.
He was pretty good after that for the first couple of weeks, then the spilling began. My poor little baby was drinking a good full feed and then bringing up half of it! At 4 weeks we found out he was only gaining 11 grams a day instead of 20–30 grams a day. I was starving my poor little baby!!! Enter the Mum Guilt.
The constant feeding was also the case overnight — he was waking every couple of hours. The only way he would go to sleep at all was if I fed him until he was pretty much asleep before putting him down. I was completely unaware that this was a problem and the cause of his frequent waking. With all of this Mum Guilt, Stress, Sleep Deprivation, and trying to maintain the house, little did I know I was also in the throes of Postnatal Depression (PND).
All of the advice I could find on the web and the books I read about sleep and routines didn't quite fit me and my parenting philosophy. By 10 months I was completely drained, exhausted, sleep deprived, cranky and depressed! I couldn't continue but I didn't know how to make any changes! I needed more information — and so I began researching and found a course to become a Certified Infant and Child Sleep Consultant.
Within a few weeks and lots of hard work we were finally getting the sleep we both needed!!! I felt so great it was remarkable. How could a few changes and dedication pay off so quickly? Why did I wait so long??? I vowed then that I would never go back to how we were, and now I have 2 children who sleep wonderfully (most of the time).
I have sought help for my PND and am doing so much better. I don't think anyone should leave their self-care as long as I did — getting help is hard work but much better than suffering through sleep deprivation for extended periods. There is no shame in asking for help no matter what the situation is. The moral of my story is that making some small changes and reaching out for help can be the saving grace and turn your life around for the better, no matter what the situation.
Leanne xx